I'm Ready To See The World and For The World To See Me

It must be spring. I'm ready for change. I've noticed this happens to me often. I need change. I'm just starting to notice now that the time in between me wanting to change is getting shorter and shorter. What kind of change do I mean, exactly? It doesn't matter! I hate being stuck in the same routine day in and day out. Every week is exactly the same for me. Sunday I sleep in and then work 5pm-1am with the same 2 people. Monday I'm off and I usually sleep in really late and then go to bed around 9pm to get ready for an early wake up for work the next day. Then Tues-Fri, it's work from 6am-3pm and then me sitting around at home watching tv. The same shows every week. (I'm not complaining about the tv shows. I love them.) Then comes Fri and Sat where I get to pretty much do what I want. Is 2 days a week really enough for me to let my freak flag fly?!

I say no. I'm ready for something to happen. The only way for me to make it happen, is to get off my ass and move! Now that I've been living with my parents since November, I'm getting bored. I have the itch. The outside world doesn't seem so scary anymore. If I lost my job when I had an apartment, I would've literally fallen apart. Now? Who cares. Fire me. I could pay my bills with some shitty waiter job. Or better yet, collect unemployment. I get inspired to do things, but then do not do the follow through. What I should be doing is spending some more free time in NY. Hanging out at comedy clubs, going on interviews, who knows! I feel like NY is the place that anything can happen.

But is this way of thinking reality? It's such a way of looking at the world like a new graduate sees it. "Oh there's so many possibilities. I'm going to be so successful right after I graduate!" Yeah I thought that too. Fast forward 7 years later, I'm broke and still living in the same bedroom I grew up in. There's no better time than the present. I see my friends and family have got their own lives going on around here. So what's keeping me here?! I saw a psychic in December and she asked me that and I started to answer but then thought for a second. I froze. I couldn't answer her. She saw that and asked me, "So what is holding you back from doing what you want to do?" The answer is me. I'm holding me back! I can't believe I've been doing that to myself! What an asshole I am!

I need to stop thinking about the big picture. I need to focus and take baby steps. Slowly but surely I can get to where I want. Plus being broke, working full time in a shitty call center and living in my parents house, there's no other way but up. It can't get any worse than this folks.