Stand Up

Ok so I just got home from my stand up and I just wanted to share some of what happened on tonight's show. I was in Doylestown at the Comedy Cabaret. Which is the best room ever. There's always a good crowd and they are just the best. They'll laugh at anything. So I had to MC tonight's festivities, which I hate doing. But tonight there was an awesome crowd, so I had fun interacting with them. First off, there was a big group of people right in the front. There was about 19 of them. They were all from a local elementary school. I don't think they really had a reason for being there, it was just a bunch of teachers and their spouses. So I'm taking to them and then I ask if the principal, their boss, was with them. They all pointed to a woman and I asked her name and she said Susan. I started to say that I look like a bad kid and she'd probably send me to detention. But then I told them that I never had detention when I was in school b/c I was a good kid. Which is true! So one of the teachers said, "We don't call it detention." I said, "Oh do you not give detentions anymore?" She goes, "No, we do. They're called 'Reflection Sessions', where you reflect on the bad choices you've made." I looked at her for a few seconds and I said, "What? Are you serious or are you pulling my leg? Oh, you're serious. What are they called again? Ok so you can't say detention, right? Man, that would be hard for me. I couldn't be a teacher. I'd say, 'Listen you little shit, you're getting detention! You're on my goddam nerves!'" So they liked that. Then I started to mention how much they're drinking and how it's the weekend and no school tomorrow and they're out partying. I asked if they curse a lot on the weekends b/c it's all built up inside from not being allowed to curse all week. They all agreed that this is true. I said, "Yeah I heard this. My roommate is a teacher and she'll come home and just be like, 'Fucking shit kids goddam pissing me off mother fuckers!' And I'm like, 'Everything ok?' And she'll just be like, 'Yeah I've just been holding it in all day, I need to let it out.'"

So then I moved on to other tables who were celebrating birthdays. A girl was celebrating her 28th birthday with all her girlfriends. There was about 8 of them total. The first thing I said was, "Ok Liz, I have a question. I was standing at the front when all you guys came in. I have to know, you did pay for yourself, right? On your birthday? Your friends couldn't pay for you?" She said, "They bought me dinner!" I said, "Well you have some shitty friends. Maybe it's time you looked in to getting some new ones..... Now I've created tension in the group. This is fun. It probably wasn't even your idea to come here was it, Liz? No. Your friends probably said, (In my dumb girl voice that I do) 'We're going to the comedy club for your b-day....... Bring cash.'"

Then I did my normal jokes and I did the whole bit about making fun of my parents and all the wacky things they do. So at the end of my set, I turned to Susan the principal and I said, "Ok so based on my act, would you give me detention? I'm sorry. Would you give me whatever the hell you people call it?" She said, "Yes, you were bad and said bad things about your parents." She was laughing the whole time, so it was cute. And I said, "But it's ok b/c they're not here. They'll never know. So are you mad at me b/c you do some of the wacky things that my parents do too?" And she made reference to when I make fun of my dad for knowing all the gas prices and she said, "I was going to tell you that Wawa was $1.95 in Landsdale." Then I went on to say, "Well that's a hike for me b/c I live in Levittown." After saying this people starting laughing a little and talking and saying like, "Oh god." Normal reaction when I say I'm from Levittown when I perform in Doylestown. Haha. So I said, "Oh yeah. I'm from Levittown. Which I now call the White Trash Capital of Pennsylvania." So this got a HUGE reaction and they were cracking up. I said, "I call it this for one reason and one reason only. There is literally 4 Wal Marts within 10 minutes of my house." And I held up 4 fingers. This got my biggest laugh of the night. So I said, "Oh yeah. Totally true. Not even making this up. 4 of them. You know, just in case you can't find the stirrup stretch pants you've had your eye on. You can always go to the next one that's down the street."

Then I got off stage and had to keep coming back and introducing the next comedians. But the teachers and the girl with the shitty friends all came up to me after the show and said how much fun they had. So I had fun, too! Thanks for letting me make fun of you! I have finally found a job that I can make fun of people for and get paid for it! Hollah!

Brian Regan

The Nixster and myself went to see Brian Regan at the Tower Theater on Friday, 4/17. I don't think I've laughed so hard in a long time. If you don't know who he is, I suggest watching one of his stand up specials from Comedy Central.

So we waited outside and Nikki decided we should just go b/c he wasn't coming out. Then about a minute or two later, he came out. I was like, "Thank God we stayed!"

My picture is funky b/c I tried editing it. Nikki for some reason felt the need to stand literally about a foot away and the flash was so bright. lol

Mackenzie at 3 1/2 months.

Well my day turned out awesome b/c I got to hang out with my lil Mackenzie. She's getting so big! And I figured since pictures were taken, I might as well share.

Tattoo

I finally got my tattoo! It's the roman numeral 4, "IV". I have 4 reasons for it. One being that my friend April died a few years ago. And April is the 4th month of the year. Second and third reasons being that my mom and mom-mom were both born in April. The 4th reason, I'm keeping to myself. lol Not something people want to hear. But to me it's a big deal.
Anyway, so at the beginning of March, I go in to the tattoo shop, Blue Velvet in Langhorne, and I want to schedule it. I ask to get it done on the next available Saturday. So what day would that be? Yeah, Saturday, 4/4. Creepy, I know!
So here I am scared out of my mind!

Just cleaning up the random peach fuzz on me to be safe.

As you can tell, I'm so nervous. What do I do when I'm nervous? Crack jokes! As you can tell, he's laughing. I figured I should probably stop unless I want him to mess up the whole thing!

Juan was awesome. He's such a cool guy. I gotta go back!

The outline is done. I wanted it to be over with!

Lying in this position for 45 minutes is not a good time. I think having my muscle cramps in my arm and neck was worse than the needle!

I had a Blo Pop to keep me from passing out. But to be honest, I don't think I needed it. I have been really good with needles lately. Getting blood taken, tattoos, etc. I don't get white and faint anymore!

So I'm in the middle of blowing a bubble with the gum in the Blo Pop when she snapped the picture. Ha.

Half way done!

I think my muscles cramped b/c I was so tense. I had to keep reminding myself to relax. As you can see, a giant vein started popping out in my neck.

All done! Look how red my skin is around the tattoo. Plus I was trying to stretch my arm and get it back to normal, while the blood was rushing back to my head from lying down.

I had to show it off. So I meet up with Dana, Kymm and Kevin at Karma. Dana is getting her nails done at her work after midnight. The perks of working in a salon.

Where you wanna go?

Vegas Baby! I'm so excited that we just booked our trip. Kymm and Dana are going for a hair show and so they decided to let Kevin and myself tag along. My new year's resolution is going to be fulfilled! lol! I wanted to leave the time zone. So we'll be out there from June 12th - June 16th.

I'm still working on the 2nd part of my new year's resolution:

And hey, I commit to my new year's resolutions. I make them so that I can actually do them and they are things that I want to complete before the year ends. My past new years resolutions that I have had and completed were: doing stand up comedy for the first time, getting a tattoo, getting a full time job, getting a girlfriend, losing my virginity (I'll have you know that was several years ago!), gaining weight/joining the gym, moving out of my parents house and getting on a plane for the first time. So at least I set goals for myself and I do them. So rock on to me.

Random Photoshoot!

So I was home and bored. I started playing around with my camera. I love the black and white feature without flash. Then I went crazy camera happy and took a bunch of pics. These are the good ones. I deleted many bad ones!

So here I am bored at home on the computer. No one has updated their blog in the last 5 seconds....

Should I take a nap?

Boo, I can't sleep.

Sigh. When's Nix3000 coming home?

There she is! And she made bread last night! Friendship bread! lol (It was really called that. I didn't make it up.)

I had to teach her to act natural. Models in a photoshoot don't look at the camera!

Just keep eating. It's natural.

I'm laughing b/c she kept looking at the camera!

She wanted a solo pic, but you can still see me in the reflection of the Godfather poster. Ha!

After the Nix left, I thought it would be cool to get a guitar picture. I'm actually attempting to try and learn how to play. This is me doing the "bear claw". If anyone watches Friends a lot, they'll get it.

Chelsea Handler

It's been a busy week. I'm posting about something I did last Saturday! C'mon! Well anyway, I went to see Chelsea Handler at the Tower Theatre. She was so funny. It was my first time seeing her. We did have tickets to see her in Delaware before, but it was cancelled. Lame.
But she finally came. I laughed so hard! She went off for about 15 minutes about the first time she discovered masturbating. I nearly shit my pants!

Here was my view from the backseat of the Thompson mobile. Look at the twins. They're so precious.

I snuck a pic of Jess as she was getting in.

Our seats were so awesome! Vix had to go and ruin the pic of me and Coll! Actually, I think my "high face" ruined the picture. Sad part is, is that I totally wasn't even high. That's my actual face!

Only one picture came out halfway decent of her on stage. It sucked b/c I wanted more and she was doing really crazy stuff that I would've loved to have pics of. I don't know if it was lighting or the camera, or what. But you get the idea.

We waited outside to try and meet her. We didn't wait that long b/c a black Escalade came barreling out of the back alley with her and her boyfriend, who is the president of E!, and took off.

So we stopped in the dive bar across the street so the girls could pee. I had my camera in hand, so hey! Time for pictures in the dive bar!

In the works....

I've been so busy with behind the scenes stuff lately. Working on a bunch of different projects. I've been getting a lot of local gigs for my stand up. So if you ever wanna come, you can check out my schedule at www.myspace.com/jeffsolescomedy. The link is on the right, too. I'm filming a movie right now called The Retreatists. My friends from Temple are making it. Very low budget and very indie movie making, but at the same time, very exciting! It's not a comedy, trust me. So I get to do something different. It's about kids struggling with drugs and alcohol and the different stages of coping with all that. I had a picture on my facebook and myspace from the one night we were shooting. My face looks all messed up. Thankfully, it was just make up. But hey, it was fun making people think I really got messed up! lol. So a little spoiler, I get my ass kicked while I'm drunk as hell.

I make my mother proud, what can I say?
Also on the horizon, is Wawapalooza 3: The Dark Roast. I love working with these kids, so I'm so excited for this year! Every year it just gets better and better. I can't wait. I had a meeting with them last night to select which sketches we want to do this year. There was about 16 of them and we had to pick a few. The ones we picked are awesome. And another spoiler, I might be playing a 15 year old girl. Oh no! Me in drag!

Party!

Today was little Mackenzie's Christening party. It was miserable out, but we still had a good time!
Here's Jen and myself on the way there.

I was sick all week, but luckily it went away so I got to hang out with my little peanut butter and jelly sandwich!
And what's up with my face?!


Mackenzie's first "myspace angle" photo.

But, the one that stole the show from Mac, was none other than the cutiest little thing, Bailey. I managed to sneak in a quick pic of her and her poppy.

Ian was playing a song on his phone so she got up on the table and did her thing! She had everyone's attention and loved it.

And these two were inseperable. You can tell Aidan had a good time because he's drenched in sweat. He always is after every party. He knows how to have a good time!